August 31, 2003

Alison on Aliyah:  Questions, questions

So lately I’ve been getting a lot of questions:  “Where are you going to live?”, “What are you going to do in Israel?”, “Are you bringing your dog?”  I spent last week in Seattle saying goodbye to my family and friends there, and answering the endless interrogations.  Because there are still so many details up in the air, I had a hard time satisfying everyone’s need for complete answers.  The concerned stares this tended to evoke left me feeling vulnerable and full of doubt.

            Coincidentally, one of my best friends from Israel has been staying with me for the past three days, and he and I have been embroiled in heated discussions about my aliyah plans.  Our opinions on just about every topic differ, but we agree on one vital fact:  I am not ready for my aliyah just yet.  He says I’m not doing enough research, not calling the right people, not focusing on the right issues.  I say I’m trying desperately!  I keep calling the Israel Aliyah Center in Boston, and they tell me they approved my application and they’ve done all they need to do for me.  I’ve been calling a guy in the Jewish Agency in Jerusalem, who says, “We’ll work everything out when you get here.”  I emailed the Association of Americans and Canadians in Israel, and never received a response.  I’m trying to make life-altering decisions based only on my wits and some outdated websites.

            So my friend set to work on me this weekend.  We went back and forth on the burning issues:  To bring the dog or not?  To live in an apartment or kibbutz or absorption center (all dependent on issue #1)?  When and where to take the first set of Hebrew classes?  How much of my personal belongings to bring?  He is adamant about simplifying everything – ship the dog home to Seattle; store all my stuff here; use the comfort and convenience of an absorption center to settle in and regroup.  As tempted as I am by the prospect of lowering my stress level by approximately 1,000 decimal points, I am afraid that his plan will make me feel like I am leaving my entire life and home behind.  It is one thing to say goodbye to everyone I know and love here – it is quite another to have nothing familiar around me.  I do not relish the idea of living like a nomad for the next year, or more.  I’ve done it before, and it is not comforting.  As ridiculous (and American) as I feel saying this, my stuff is me.  My books, videos, photo albums, wall decorations – I fear that to put these things in storage would leave me with an intense feeling of detachment and isolation.  And it brings tears to my eyes to even entertain the option of leaving my dog behind.  As much as I know that she will make my first few months in Israel infinitely more difficult and complicated, I am also utterly certain that she will nurse me through some of the hardest days of my life.

            As much as my friend and I disagree, he brought me to some very serious realizations.  I am going to need to make up my mind about these issues, and immediately.  I cannot keep waiting for the answers to drop into my lap, as much as I believe that things tend to work out regardless of my incessant attempts to control the world.  I am going to have to take charge of this process, and not allow myself to simply be pulled along by its own momentum.  I have thus booked a ticket to Tel Aviv for next week, with the hope that I will be able to push, pull, goad, and cajole the right people into telling me what I need to know.  This is my first real encounter with Israeli bureaucracy, rumored to be among the most difficult in the world.  And I will be damned if I’m not going to win.