“Hello, my name is Alison, and I’m a control freak.”  Yes, that’s what I’ll be saying at the next Control Freaks Anonymous meeting.

            I am entering the last two weeks of my life here in Providence, after returning from my ten-day fact-finding mission in Israel.  I am packing up everything I own, selling all of my furniture, preparing myself in every facet I can think of.  I have also been coming to terms with the fact that I have been trying to control every facet of my aliyah, often to the point of exerting undue influence on it.  I frequently catch myself imagining my aliyah like a beast, and watching myself attempt to wrestle it to the ground.  In the process of becoming an Israeli citizen, I have become more American than ever.  Indeed, as much as I pretend to let people help me (and know deep down that I need the help desperately!), my fierce independence and desire to do everything perfectly have kept me from really surrendering myself to the process.

            Case in point:  I have been working with the Israel Aliyah Center in Boston, which has been responsible for the formal paperwork involved in the aliyah process.  I submitted my application for citizenship to them, and they have walked me through the visa application process as well as obtaining my free airline ticket.  This entire process, from the moment I made the decision until I received my immigrant visa yesterday, has taken no longer than two months.  I have been told by friends that, should one decide to change one’s citizenship while in Israel, the same process there can take upwards of six months.  And yet, I have bugged the women at the center mercilessly, with endless questions and concerns.  They kept telling me I would know everything in due time and things would work out when they needed to, but I wouldn’t listen.  I kept thinking they were ignoring my needs.  Then, sure enough, as I sat in their office two days ago and was handed a packet the size of a dictionary guiding me through every step of the next part of the process (complete with handy flow charts and diagrams), along with my completed visa and all the other necessary documents, I realized that they were right.  They gave me everything I needed, at the exact time I needed it.  My problem was that I wanted it when I thought it was best to have it, and I wanted it my way.

            Three weeks ago I was complaining that no one was helping me and everyone was telling me to “figure it out when I get there.”  I refused to believe that.  I even took a trip to Israel to do things myself, because I knew I was right and I just knew things wouldn’t just “work out.”  So what happened on that trip?  Everything just seemed to work out.  I went apartment-hunting for two days and found a fabulous place to live.  I researched Hebrew programs for three days and found the right one for me.  I met with my new supervisor at a job I wasn’t sure would happen, and he told me he would be ready for me when I arrived for good.  I even found a dog park two blocks from my new house!

            So what have I learned?  I know now that I need to view my aliyah not as a battle, but as a journey.  I must surrender my stubborn and misguided desire to control everything, and allow this process to develop with me and for me.  I want so badly for everything to go perfectly, with none of those famous “rookie mistakes” I’ve heard about.. but I have to remember that the mistakes are often the most valuable part of any journey.  And I look forward to making plenty more of them.