ok, i'm done expecting that i'm going to get to this journal writing thing every day, or even every other day. i'm just going to write when i have time and zehu (that means "that's it" or "so be it"). speaking of that, i'm already interjecting hebrew into my daily english.. it's a fun little thing called "hebrish" that most americans do over here. to be honest, i am just so excited to be able to speak exclusively hebrew.. i'm getting so tired of not being able to express myself, and i'm so looking forward to becoming more fluent. i have to say, it's amazing to watch myself improve -- every day i get better. i'm in ulpan (intensive hebrew courses) about 4 hours a day, 5 days a week, and i also have a conversation group twice a week for 1.5 hours where we speak only hebrew. it's definitely making a difference.
in fact, i actually switched ulpan programs last week.. i was in the first one for about 1.5 weeks and i just finished my first full week at the second program. there are pros and cons to both.. the first one gave me lots more speaking experience, because we talked only in hebrew and we had the opportunity to talk more about ourselves, etc. -- ie., make up essays and such. but we didn't learn much grammar and we spent a lot of time watching the news which is so difficult to follow still for me. plus, and i hate to be racist here, but the class was filled with arabs.. and while it was nice to have the different cultures mix, they were definitely there for different reasons. hebrew classes are required for them, and many of them were pretty young, so they just sauntered whenever they wanted, weren't all that interested in learning, and smoked all the freakin' time. so the teacher spent half the class time yelling at them, and i got bored real fast.
so i switched to this new one, which also has its pros and cons. a major pro is that it focuses entirely on verbs.. there are 7 different groups of verbs and different ways of conjugating each one. it's very complicated and difficult, and if you don't master the conjugating, it is impossible to really speak the language well. for instance, before i started this program, i was only speaking in present tense because i wasn't comfortable with the conjugating and it took me forever to think it out. this program is almost socratic, which is very cool -- they just shoot a question at you ("to talk, in past tense, they") and you have to answer immediately. the goal is to have us doing it completely automatically, rather than thinking it through, translating from english in your head, etc. i've already noticed a monster improvement in my speed and ability to speak in more tenses. the major con is that they don't teach any nouns and they don't offer a ton of practice in speaking more than single sentences. it's actually pretty funny -- the other students know every verb in the book, but can't add a noun to it to save their lives. if i hadn't had 5 months of ulpan before this, i think i wouldn't be as pleased with this program, but for now, it's giving me exactly what i needed more help with. i figure by the end of the 5 months, i should be totally fluent as far as daily conversations. then it's going to take a lot more work to get to the point where i can enter the university.. but i'll get there. :)
in other news.. the strike is still in full force, although there is no threat of a general strike now. for those of you who haven't been watching the news, there is currently a strike of all government offices here. it spread out to ports and the airport, which closed for 4 hours, for a day last week, and it's pretty ridiculous. apparently this happens all the time in israel -- many people have told me there is more often a strike than the lack of one. normally i wouldn't mind so much except for a couple of key factors: 1) with no government offices open, i can't get any of my aliyah paperwork done; 2) i can't get the money from the government that i am definitely starting to NEED!; and 3) with the ports being so unpredictable (they have been turning away ships and not letting them dock or unload here), i can't send my shipment of all my stuff yet. thus, all of my furniture, books, belongings, dog supplies, etc. are sitting in a warehouse in new jersey. woo-hoo!
i was so excited about becoming an official israeli citizen and getting my official identity card and all that comes with it, and now everything is on indefinite hold. see, here's how the timeline goes.. you're supposed to get a paper that you need, along with your teudat oleh (immigrant identity card) as soon as you enter the airport, which i did. then you get the first installment of the money they give you, also at the airport, which i also got. the total for the first year is something like $4,000, which is not a huge amount but definitely is helpful. i got something like $500 in the airport -- $100 of which went to the taxi driver for helping me drag all my shit to my apartment. :) and here's where my end of the process ground to a halt.
so after the airport, you're supposed to wait a couple of days and then go to the misrad ha'pnim (ministry of the interior) to get your teudat zehut (official israeli citizen identity card). then you wait a couple of days and go to the bank to get a bank account. then you go to the misrad ha'klita (ministry of absorption) to give them your account number so they can start direct depositing your money into the account. clearly, all of these things have to be done in a very SPECIFIC order. so THEN, you go to the post office and turn in a form specifying which health insurance you want.. and THEN you have to get an israeli driver's license, certify your university degree here, and all sorts of other minute little details which must be done by a certain time, in a certain way, with a certain person, etc. then there's all the little benefits you can get if you play your cards right.. a discount off the apartment tax you pay to the city, discounts off appliances, discounts off buying a new car, etc.. all if you do the process the right way in the right amount of time. it's a barrel of fun. and my process has been stopped dead in its tracks for over a month now. in the beginning i didn't mind so much.. i figured, hey, it gives me a chance to settle in and relax a bit, before i have to deal with all the bullshit bureaucracy which is guaranteed to make even the most mild-mannered person's head boil.. but now, i'm getting antsy. i want my stuff. i want my identity card. i want to be a citizen. there's something about the being-in-limbo thing that is tough on the soul.. especially when getting that little card in my hot little hand really holds so much meaning for me.. for anyone, really. so we'll see.. hopefully things will settle down here soon.. at least, until the next strike. :)
it certainly is a different world here, without a car, having to make decisions i never had to make about things like where to work, how to get food, appliances, etc.. just getting a microwave was the biggest hassle you could imagine. and especially with the dog taking so much longer to adjust than i thought, i'm really having to make tough decisions. with everything i have to do, it's very difficult for me to come home after my hebrew classes and just sit with her, because i know she'll freak out if i leave again. i keep hoping that if i spend more time at home now easing her adjustment, it will pay off sooner and get her adjusted faster. but if that's not the case and she's still upset when i leave every time in a few weeks, we're going to have real trouble. it's already so difficult to leave her, crying and panting, every morning for my classes. when i start working too.. oh man. let's all just pray that she adjusts, and fast! she's definitely getting better every day.. but still not up to her old self, by any means.
other than that, things are going extremely well. i realized today that i've been here for exactly 4 weeks. it's really hard to believe it's been so long already. my apartment is partially furnished, still no dishes, still a mattress on the floor, but it's getting there.. since i'm bringing some stuff from the states (bed, desk, bookcases), there's only so much i can do to get the apt. in order until the lift arrives. but i do have a futon i've borrowed from someone, a small couch i got free from someone else in the neighborhood, a new tv stand and coffee table from IKEA (yes, there's a huge one here), and a big closet-armoire thing and table, both of which my landlord gave me. i also have a new tv and stereo, and have my phone, cable, internet, and cell phone hooked up. all in all, it's been an eventful month! :) i already know a ton of people in the neighborhood, which is so wonderful.. i found a little dog from holland who comes over with her owner for regular play dates.. i've had a different place to go every shabbat thus far.. and i've even met a guy! :) things are definitely getting settled nicely. :)
and in other news, i have no less than 800 mosquito bites, and they are absolutely killing me. it's been something like 80 degrees here all week and so they're back out in full force, after the couple of cold, windy days we had last week. i'm annoyed.. but at least i haven't seen another cockroach. there's something about the mosquitos here, though.. man, they are tenacious, and vicious, and they can really suck! :) i wake up in the middle of the night with my foot or hand or chin just on fire.. every other part of my body is covered, but they find the one place that isn't. even when i remember to put on repellent, they still find something.. the other night i got bit on the webbing between my thumb and index finger! it's like they were navigating carefully around the repellent-lathered areas and found that one damn spot. my lord. oh well, the little things you have to put up with. i like the little differences here. the hair conditioner is just a little different.. the traffic lights go from red to yellow to green as well as from green to yellow to red.. when you call someone and they're on the other line, you hear a different ring.. the advertisements here are insanely sex-driven -- there is no way they could get that past the fcc or whatever it is in the states that regulates that kind of thing (the other day i saw an ad for a cell phone with a girl sticking her loooong tongue out toward the phone, blood red lipstick.. insane).. you can't get a surge protector here to safe your life, but you can get any size, any length, any type of extension cord you want in 2 seconds flat. little differences.. gotta love 'em. :)
on the political front, things inside the country limits (depending on how you define them) have been relatively calm. there have been no piguim (bombings) in any of the city centers since i've been here, which is a real blessing -- if nothing else, my mom's been through enough. :) i have to admit that i don't even think about it much anymore. i go to the shuk everyday (an open air market that has been bombed twice, i think).. and while there is always something in the waaaaay back of my mind telling me that i probably shouldn't go on friday mornings, when it is busiest and the most likely to be targeted, i just dismiss it so easily. i love being there so much.. it's so.. real. people yelling "pita 3 shekels, avocados 4 shekels!".. everyone crowding to get the best tomatos, the hottest bread, the most fresh salads.. the produce here is amazing, the prices are dirt cheap, and i already have specific stores i go to and shop-owners who recognize me. it's so nice to see the expressions in people's faces change over the weeks.. initially i know everyone just thought i was a tourist, just like everybody else.. but they see now that i'm not leaving, and they're friendlier, and they give me better prices! :) they ask how my aliyah is going, and where is my dog, and tell me my hebrew is improving.. it's so awesome.
i just can't limit my activities just in case, just in case.. i already feel such a viceral unwillingness to surrender myself to the terror.. sometimes i do things just to defy them. i walk on ben yehuda (a busy tourist street -- well usually, when tourists are there) every day to and from my ulpan; i go to cafes with my friends, i take buses from time to time. i still try to be smart about these things.. not go to busy places in the middle of the day, not take jam-packed buses.. but to be honest, most of the time i just do what i have to do. it's just how it works here. and the other day, when someone IMed me and told me they won't come visit now while it's "so bad"... for a second i wasn't even sure what she meant. it just isn't like you see on the news -- it just isn't. it's simply a wonderful place.. and i love it every day, every moment. i wastalking with a couple today who made aliyah 20 years ago.. the husband was talking about "the bug".. this thing that we all feel, that makes us stay even though it's hard, and it's scary, and it's uncertain here. it's an emotional thing, an innate thing.. it's just a pull, a draw i feel so strongly. i just don't know what i was thinking, not doing this sooner. i'd forgotten how empty i feel when i'm not here.. it had begun to feel normal, to feel that emptiness. and now, how wonderful it is to have my "normal," my status quo, be on such a higher emotional plane. i feel just "filled up".. it's a great thing.
speaking of filled up, i'm exhausted. it's 12:51am here, i got back from shabbat dinner around 10pm, and i have been writing and IMing for a couple of hours now. time to hit the sack. it was a long and tiring week.. and i'm excited to sleep in tomorrow!! then i get to cram in some hebrew verbs and practice my conjugating. woo-hoo! i'll write more soon.. although pretty soon, it's going to be in hebrew, so you all better study up. :)