so don't think i don't love you all.. the reason i've been so busy and not around much on the computer or phone is because all my applications for grad school here are due this week.. so i promise to catch up on all the emailing and blogging and phone-calling after sunday, i swear!!  but for now, i thought you all might enjoy reading the essays i'm submitting (i also have the hebrew versions if any of you are so inclined).  here's the personal essay:

            Most of the people who know me think I am a little crazy.  After all, four months ago I packed up and moved halfway around the world, leaving everyone and everything I know.  I sold most of my belongings and used up most of the savings that had taken me ten years to accumulate.  I uprooted my dog and forced her to acclimate to an entirely new environment.  I rejected job opportunities and separated myself from professional contacts.  I did all of these things, only to come to a country with whose culture I am only partly familiar, to apply for entrance into one of the most difficult programs, in my second language, in hopes of personal and professional success.. well, someone would have to be crazy to do all that.

            In truth, making aliyah was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.  I have wanted to live in Israel since my first trip here on a Holocaust study mission, at age seventeen.  But aliyah was always more of a dream, a romantic notion that, in the back of my mind, I never really expected to fulfill.  My family was hoping the same thing.  But with every successive trip I took – each one longer than the one before – I became more attached to the land, to my friends, and to the feeling of deep peace and satisfaction that always fills me here.  Last February, nearly three years after graduating from college, I came here to spend time with friends and finally realized that I was wasting time in the U.S.  I had been planning to apply to graduate school soon after college but kept putting it off, for reasons I couldn’t really explain at the time.  And then I realized that I just couldn’t think about spending up to seven more years in America.  I couldn’t sign a piece of paper attesting to my desire to attend school there.  I knew, at that moment, that I had reached a decision point in my life.
            So I began to do the research.  I emailed and/or called nearly every professor in the country doing work in my field of interest.  Many of them met with me, and all of them gave me at least five names of other people to call, and each of them, in turn, passed me on to more consultations.  I started by asking what they would do; whether they advise going to graduate school in the states or here; what was less problematic.  Everyone told me the same thing:  stay in the states, and do the required schooling in your native tongue – it’s much easier.  I listened to their advice but simply wasn’t satisfied with it.  Something was missing.

Then I realized to whom I was talking.  One group was Israelis who were able to go to the states for school and then bring their education back here with ease, fitting right back into the language and culture.  The other group comprised Americans who were already fluent in Hebrew, who got their doctorates in the states because there were no suitable programs in Israel at the time.  Finally I realized I was focusing on the wrong issues and asking the wrong questions.  I realized I don’t fit into the average mold.

            Once I began to tell these advisors about my passion for Israel, and my desire to become a citizen and a part of society here immediately, and my professional interest in trauma psychology, the answers I received were vastly different.  They told me that if I was sure I wanted to live here ultimately, then I should come as soon as possible, not to waste another minute anywhere else.  They said that this is the place in which my research is being done, and in many ways Israel is a world leader in trauma research.  I had professors offer to help me with my klita, and to take me on as a student once I manage to get accepted.  The one abiding message I heard, however, was that not a single step of this process would be easy.

            And, indeed, I have found this to be true.  I have been here for only a short time, but I have already seen that even most daily tasks are just a little more difficult, a little more complicated, than what I am used to in the states.  It takes more effort to buy a washing machine, to get my identity papers, to find a good hairstylist.  But when all is said and done, I love Israel, and I feel truly at home here.  It is the only place in the world in which I am not part of the minority, and I have an unshakable feeling of belongingness here.  This is my people, my homeland, and making aliyah felt to me very much like returning home to a long-lost family.  There is no other decision in my life that has felt so completely right, and there has been no other time in my life during which I have felt more secure and content.  It is a wonderful feeling.

            And now, after all the unpacking and getting settled and doing paperwork and buying furniture, I have come to the next phase of my aliyah – the real “dream fulfillment” chapter.  I am finally applying to graduate programs in clinical psychology, in the country in which I want to live, in the culture in which I want to practice my profession.  Because of my interest in trauma psychology and resilience, I have come to the conclusion that Israel is (unfortunately, given the circumstances) the best place to learn my field.  Israeli society is, in many ways, defined by its relationship to trauma, both current and historical.  Thus, it presents a fascinating, ever-evolving case study in many facets of psychology.  I want to understand the dynamics of this relationship, and its impact on our citizens.  I feel that I have the greatest opportunity to make a real impact here, to do ground-breaking research and formulate new theories.

Above all else, I want to become a real part of the culture and society here.  I want to learn my field here, from the inside, and to use my education and expertise to benefit my own people.  My hope is to understand the psychology of Israel and of Israeli culture from the ground up, rather than attempting to view it as an outsider.  I need to be a true participant, rather than an observer, in order to help in a meaningful way.  The alternative – spending seven more years in the states in order to bring an American Ph.D. and perspective to Israel and attempt to do therapy here (only to find that I would have probably ended up catering only to the Anglo population) – would simply have defeated the purpose of coming here at all. 

            No, I chose the hard way.  I decided to come now, with only a Bachelor’s degree and a fierce desire to learn and succeed.  I wanted to start my education immediately – first in ulpan and in the social and cultural realm, and then hopefully in a graduate program.  I opted to live in Nachlaot, rather than the German Colony or Bak’a like many of my friends, in order to soak in the “real” Jerusalem, the real Israeli culture.  I am endeavoring to learn on all levels, and to become a true Israeli citizen.  This is as important to my future career as a psychologist here as any formal school program.  And I knew that coming here any later, no matter how many degrees I may have had, would never have allowed me the opportunities I have now to truly educate myself in every way.

            I made aliyah because I knew that this is my only shot at ultimately achieving my goals, both personal and professional.  I know that the competition for graduate school here is fierce, and I also know that truly understanding Israelis and their culture will be a challenge.  I know this will not be easy, but I also know that I have a history of always accomplishing whatever I set my mind to.  At the tender age of 26, I have already done what so many people only dream of doing.  I believe in myself, and I am driven to succeed by an undeniable passion.  Everything I’ve done and every experience I’ve had has been leading up to this moment in my life.  I have fulfilled one lifelong dream, and now, with your help, I will accomplish the next one.